Purgatory
by MrsZoe
Summary: Brittany and Artie break up, and Santana takes this as an opportunity to go back to normal with her, but Brittany didn't like 'normal'.
1. Chapter 1

The first chapter of my first fic... is WAY shorter than I thought it would be... WAY TO GO! 8D

Also, English is not my mother language, so your eyes might explode, but well... :D

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Mercedes was happily walking through the halls of McKinley High, thinking about the tots she was no longer allowed to eat, when she spotted Brittany and Artie talking in the other end of the hall. She started walking towards them, a big smile in her face, when she saw the seriousness in both their faces. She stopped in her tracks, curious, and watched from afar. Brittany had her characteristic blank expression on, but with a light frown, while Artie looked guilty, and was seemingly trying to explain something to her.

She saw Artie look down, and then wheel away from her. Brittany stayed where she was, following Artie with her eyes. Mercedes, really good at reading people's faces, took it as a breakup. Something was off with Brittany's still blank expression, though, and she didn't know what it was, so she walked towards her.

"Are you ok?" she asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged, looking back at her.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" Mercedes raised her eyebrows at this. She was so sure that it had been a breakup… "Didn't he just… break up with you?"

Brittany's mouth opened and closed, "yeah, he did", she said finally, a confused look in her face. "And aren't you like, sad?" asked Mercedes. "Oh, no, just… I didn't love him or anything like that."

"Why were you dating him, then?" Brittany thought about this for a moment, and then answered "we were both trying to get over someone, I guess."

"And now he finally got over Tina, he dumps you? I'm gonna kill that boy!" Said Mercedes, now angry.

"No! No. He dumped me because he's _not_ over Tina," explained the blonde. "He said that he didn't want to have a meaningless relationship with me while being in love with someone else. And well, I think the same", she looked sadly down. "Plus," she added, looking back at Mercedes, shrugging, "sex with him was… not bad, but… he didn't move! It was weird. Santana does it better."

Mercedes furrowed her eyebrows at this unwanted last piece of information. "Santana… It's her that you were trying to get over, right?"

Brittany looked at her with huge, sad eyes. "Yeah, she… I'm just a warm body beneath her. She just wants me so she can digest her food. I don't even understand that. She's never had problems to digest anything." The dark skinned girl looked confused at her friend, but Brittany didn't seem to notice, and kept talking. "Well, whatever. The thing is she doesn't love me. She just uses me when Puck isn't around, and I-"

"Hey, stop that, blondie. I may not know a lot about Santana, but I know for certain that she's a bitch with everyone, except you. And although it still shocks me that someone like her can have any kind of feeling, I'm certain that she has some towards you."

"But she told me she didn't love me! She said 'I'm not making out with you 'cause I'm in love with you'. She just doesn't love me, she said so!"

With a sigh, Mercedes readied herself to say something she thought she'd never have to say. "She's just afraid, Brittany." Brittany started to deny it, but she was soon stopped by a lifted hand from the other girl. "Let me finish this, please, I don't think I'll ever be able to say it again. She's scared of her feelings towards you, so she denies their existence, but believe me when I tell you that she does love you."

Brittany looked down, in deep thought. "Anyway… I don't understand. What does it matter if she loves me or not, if she denies it?"

"You have to make her admit it. To herself, and to you." "How am I supposed to do that?" Asked Brittany, sadly.

"Well, I have the perfect plan", answered Mercedes, with a bright smile in her face. Brittany's face also lit up, happy.

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And that was it... I guess...

"It's her that you were trying to get over"... Does that structure even exist?


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, here I am with chapter 2 :D**

**Thanks for the reviews and alerts in the 1st chapter ^^  
**

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Later that same day, all the gleeks knew about Brittany and Artie's breakup. Like Mercedes said, they only needed to tell Kurt, and soon everyone was aware of the news, "and that", said Mercedes to the blonde, while they walked towards the choir room "includes Santana. I've been watching her lately. She keeps looking at you all the time. Believe me, girl, she'll try to get you back as soon as she sees you"

"But I don't want to be best friends with benefits anymore."

"And you're not going to be friends with benefits, haven't you been listening to me?"

"Yes, yes… I don't know if I'll be able to do it, though." Said Brittany, with a sad smile. Mercedes put an arm around her shoulders, squeezing them lightly. "Oh I'm sure you'll do just fine, don't worry. Well, here we are."

They walked into the room, and took a seat in the first row, next to Kurt, who instantly turned to face them. "Everybody knows it now. What exactly is the plan?" Mercedes snickered and patted his knee. "Oh, you'll know really soon. Just wait and see". She waved at Quinn and Sam, who were coming in. They started talking, while Brittany kept staring at her hands on her lap, chewing her lower lip nervously. "Is she ok?" Asked Quinn, eyeing the other blonde worriedly. "Yeah," answered Mercedes, "just a bit nervous, that's all, right, Brittany?" All the eyes turned to look at her, but she didn't seem to notice, her gaze suddenly fixed in the door, or rather, the short Latina who was entering the room in that moment, fixing her ponytail.

Brittany looked back down, letting out a defeated sigh. She knew her friend too well to not know what that gesture meant. Clenching her jaw, she tried to ignore her, but it became impossible when she took the free seat beside her, so she turned her head towards Mercedes, failing as well to ignore the smirk in Puck's face when he came in seconds later. The diva looked back at her and gave her hands a squeeze.

"B?" Said the other girl, oblivious to the blonde's actions. She got a blank stare for an answer. "Em, I was wondering… Well, are you ok? I mean, about your breakup with Artie and that." Brittany pursed her lips, "yes, I'm fine, thanks."

Santana closed her mouth, a little taken aback by her sharp response. "Well…" She gave her a small smile. "Would you like to come over later?" She asked cautiously, not sure of why her friend's hands had suddenly turned into fists.

"And do what?" Inquired Brittany, her teeth clenched, looking straight into Santana's eyes. Rage was suddenly growing inside of her, something she was not very used to feeling. Maybe Mercedes was right after all, and she'd be able to go through with the plan.

"We could watch-""No, you know what?" Cut Brittany, with a deep frown "I don't want to hear it. Go to Puck's instead, get your… mack on and leave me alone."

Santana stared at her, unable to close her mouth. Brittany had all but yelled at her. A shocked silence took over the room, everybody's eyes on the Latina, expecting an outburst of fury, which, surprisingly, didn't happen. Instead, she spoke in a tiny voice. "Why are you mad?"

"Why am I mad, you ask?" replied Brittany, also in a quiet voice. "Do you have idea of how much it hurts when you just blow me off to go with him?" Santana looked down. With venom in her voice, she counter-attacked. "Well, _you_ have been ditching _me_ a lot lately to go with Artie, so don't play innocent."

"What? You shouldn't care, after what you said to me, right? I'm not some sex toy you can play with when you get tired of Puck!"

Santana looked around nervously, "this is _so_ not the place to be talking about this, Britt." The blonde stood up, as if the chair had suddenly burnt her. She turned to look at the short girl with a furious expression. "Just what are you so ashamed of?" she yelled. "Are you ashamed of me?" Santana stood as well "No Britt, just this is not the moment to-" "Why did you break Artie and me up the first time?" Santana shook her head "What does that have to do with anything?" "Just answer, Santana", whispered Brittany, looking at her with pleading eyes.

The Latina opened and closed her mouth. She knew what she was supposed to say, what she wanted to say. However, she couldn't find the courage to say it out loud. Shaking her head again, she looked down.

With an exasperated sigh, Brittany firmly cupped her face with her hands, and, looking into her eyes, asked, still whispering "Do you love me?"

Santana's eyes widened. "I…" She looked into her eyes, those amazingly blue eyes, in which she had lost herself so many times, those eyes which now were desperately seeking for something in her own. She felt like she could throw up in any moment. She knew what she wanted to say, but she knew that what she was going to say was not the same at all. She looked at the rest of the gleeks with the corner of her eye, looking at them, and she knew she wouldn't be able to say what she wanted to. "Sorry" she whispered, closing her eyes.

Everybody jumped in their seats in surprise when Brittany loudly slapped her. "It's over. We're over. Don't… talk to me again." She turned around and marched towards the door. When she was about to cross it, she looked back at her, "and I want my stuffed duck back. And my red panties." With that, she walked out of the room. A few seconds later, Mercedes stormed out behind her.

Santana stood shaking in the middle of the room, her head down since the blonde slapped her. She felt as if her whole world had collapsed around her and she were standing in the middle of all the rubble and dust. Alone.

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**Hooray for OOC Brittany! :DD  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the delay, I had some stuff to do… ok, no, I'm gonna be honest, I was playing arkanoid. I rediscovered it some days ago, and I'm pretty ashamed to say I'm as awful as I was when I was 7. (or even worse)**

**I don't know what happened to my concentration. I really don't know. These days, I've done anything but write or study. What the hell, Arkanoid!**

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Santana stood immobile in the middle of the choir room, facing the door, with her eyes closed. Everybody was looking at her from behind, expecting some kind of reaction, but she didn't move. She couldn't move. She couldn't feel. She was certain that her heart had stopped beating the moment the blonde crossed the threshold. Her head was empty and full at the same time; there were so many thoughts, images, memories, sensations, feelings. Everything was spinning in her head, shaking her from the inside, threatening to break her, and all she could do was shut her mind to the storm.

In that moment, a shocked Mr. Schuester came into the room, looking back at the corridor. "I've just run into a furious Brittany and a worried Mercedes." He started turning his head to look at the people in front of him "Can anybody explain to me what- Oh, Santana, sorry, I didn't see you", said him, after accidentally bumping into the Latina, whose only reaction was slowly opening her eyes, and blinking some times, looking at the ground. "Santana? Are you ok?" He put a hand on her shoulder, worried, to find that she was trembling. "Is she ok?" mouthed him to the rest of the members.

Most of them shrugged, and Kurt murmured "Who knows?" Mr. Schue looked at him for a second, and then at all of them again. "What happened?" All of them squirmed in their seats.

"Brittany told Santana she loved her, Mr. Schue. She inquired if her feelings were reciprocated, but, although she didn't actually use the words 'I don't'… She pretty much shot her down. Then, Brittany slap-"

"Shut it, dwarf" barked Santana, with a hoarse voice. "I'm fine" She turned to her chair, wearing a perfect blank expression, and she casually locked eyes with Quinn, who furrowed her eyebrows. Santana quickly looked away and took a seat, crossing both her arms and legs to stop them from shaking. She cleared her throat. "Stop the fucking staring everyone" Shouted her, looking around "Don't you have anything to do, like singing or something? Don't you have any of those wonderful ideas of yours to enlighten us with, Berry? I know you do. Just fucking start talking and forget about me."

"Santana!" Scolded Mr. Schuester "I know you're hurt and angry, but don't take it on your partners!"

"Shut the fuck up! I'm not angry, and I'm definitely not fucking hurt! If she wants to get mad at me that's her fucking problem! I don't give a fuck about her" Mr. Schuester opened her mouth again, probably to send her to the principal's office, but someone was faster.

"SANTANA!" Everybody turned their heads to look at Quinn, who had now taken the other Cheerio by the wrist, and was pulling her towards the door. "What the fuck, Fabray?" Shouted the other girl, trying to release her hand from the strong grip, pulling away from her. The blonde turned to her and put a hand in her shoulder "That's enough, Santana." She said softly. The Latina stopped offering resistance, and let herself be taken to a nearby empty room.

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Meanwhile, Brittany, angrier than ever, had made her way towards the football field, leaving Mercedes behind, and had dropped herself on her back in the middle of it, absentmindedly picking off little strands of grass.

Mercedes was looking at her from the limit of the pitch, not knowing what to do. Finally, she decided to go with her, and try to cheer her. Once close enough, she was surprised to see that she was not only not sad, but by the looks of it, extremely angry. She did a quick recount of how many times had she seen the blonde angry, and the result was zero. She sat in the grass, beside her, not sure of what she should do next.

"You know", started her, timidly, "you only had to be a little hard on her. Don't you think you might have gone a little… overboard?"

Brittany let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't want to follow your plan anymore. I can't stand it. You don't know how much it hurts that she keeps choosing Puck. I get mad at her, and then she comes with apologies, and I forgive her, but the next day she's with him again. And I'm so tired…" She sat up, and a small tear appeared which she quickly wiped from her face. "And I always end up crying! I don't like it when I cry, my eyes get red and puffy, and they sting. And I'm tired. This time I won't be so forgiving. I don't want anything else from her."

Mercedes patted her arm, trying to calm her. "Well, girl, that's your decision. In my opinion, she deserves it; she's been a total bitch since forever. But, and I want you to know that I hate myself for saying this, I want you to rethink it. She's been nice to you all this time, apart from the whole Puck thing. Maybe you want to reconsider staying at least friends with her." She shook her head. She _really_ hated herself for caring even the littlest bit about Santana.

"I'm sure. I don't want to talk to her anymore. I don't want to be sad. This is worse than when I asked Santa for a magic carpet and I got a bike."

Choosing to ignore the blonde's last comment, Mercedes patted her knee and said "if that's what you want to do, I'm with you". Brittany looked at her with a sad smile on her mouth. It really hurt to see her, always so happy, now like this. "Wanna go to the park? We could feed the ducks" suggested Mercedes, not really knowing what to say to cheer her friend. Brittany's small smile instantly turned into a big bright one, as if all the problems didn't matter anymore. This took Mercedes to ask herself once again how this girl's mind worked. _Whatever_, she thought as the two of them made her way towards the parking lot. Brittany's tendency to be anywhere but in the real life would be very useful to cheer her.

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**Well, I hope you liked it. It was supposed to be longer, but it would be TOO long. So well, I split it in two (:**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews in the previos chapters. It feels so good to know that there are people out there who actually like my story :D **

**I go :D:D:D:D:D each time I get a new one. It's aaaaaaawesome! 8D**

**Sorry for the delay, by the way u.u**

**Christmas, lazyness, a block, lazyness, getting to see my friends after three whole months, a block, same with family and lazyness were the main causes. And of course, the block. I had this chapter in my mind since before I even published the first one, almost word by word. And whenever I tried to write it down, it disappeared u.u**

**But well, now it's there, and I have the next one almost word by word in my head. Now I hope I don't have to play hide and seek with it too.**

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Santana let herself be dragged by the wrist to the nearest empty classroom. Something in Quinn's eyes had made her strength abandon her again. Her mind had gone blank for the second time in that day. She hardly noticed when Quinn softly pushed her onto a chair, or when she squatted down in front of her, covering her hands with her own.

They stayed silent for what seemed hours, Quinn waiting for Santana to move or say something, and Santana staring at her, but not actually seeing her. Finally, with a worried expression, Quinn asked "are you ok?" Santana furrowed her eyebrows, and rolled her eyes. "Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" The lie would be credible, if her voice wasn't shaking so much. "Seriously, Santana?" The Latina squirmed in her seat and lowered her gaze. After a second, she looked back up, her lips forming a thin line, her eyes ever so cold. The blonde was staring intently at her, a small, sympathetic smile playing on her lips. She had known Santana since they were little kids, and they had been friends since that very moment. She had seen her laughing, and crying, back in elementary school, back where boys were 'the enemy', and their biggest concern was trying not to get their cooties. Back where they could do or say whatever they wanted, without being afraid of the consequences. Back where they didn't have a social status to maintain, and it was not necessary for them to hide behind a mask.

_The mask_, she thought. That damn thing was the reason behind all of her badass behaviour. It was the reason why she was who she was, the head bitch, the most feared person in McKinley. But it also was the source of all of her problems. In the beginning, it was just that: a mask. She put it on only for high school, then took it off. Soon, though, it started affecting other aspects of her life. But she had _never_ let it show with Brittany. Until now, that is. She had let it get over her, and now she was trapped inside of it. Quinn couldn't avoid finding this situation somehow funny. Santana had never given a damn about what people thought, because of the mask, but now, also because of the mask, she couldn't admit her feelings, too concerned about what other people might think.

"You don't have to hide it, you know." She said, with a half smile. "Hide what?" Spat Santana, furrowing her eyebrows at the smile, that only got bigger. "Your feelings." She got serious again. "I know you're hurting, Santana" The brunette's hands flew out of the other girl's grip "I'm not hurting!" she all but yelled. "You just want to have me out of the Cheerios so you can be the only one with the power!" "Santana! Stop thinking that! I'd never do that!" "Oh well, excuse me!" She got up, pushing a squatting Quinn to the floor. "I thought you would, after you told coach about my boob job. Was my being on the bottom not enough for you, and now you want me out?"

Quinn quickly got to her feet. She grabbed Santana by the shoulders and forced her back onto the chair. "I'm trying to help you, Santana!" The smaller girl snorted at this, but Quinn ignored her. "Stop making it difficult. Please." Santana stopped opposing resistance, opting for an eye roll and a glare. "I'm serious, I want to help you. I _know_ you're hurt, there's no denying it. But you can't keep something this big inside, and you know it" She saw the other girl clench her teeth, and she knew she was going the right way. She sat in the chair beside her, facing her. "You have to let it out. Cry." Santana snorted again, shaking her head, the ghost of a smirk on her lips. "Yes! You can. You _must_. Or you're going to break down." "Santana Lopez doesn't cry" was the only thing that came from the Latina's lips, in the form of a whisper.

"Tell me. Who's Santana Lopez?" Quinn took one of Santana's hands, giving it a light squeeze. She looked into her friend's eyes and continued "I used to know a girl who was called just like that. She was kind of childish, if you ask me. She always wanted things her way, and if something was contrary to her wishes, she'd always throw a tantrum about it." At this point, Santana let out a chuckle. "They didn't last long, though. She had two best friends; they were called Quinn and Brittany. They'd always cheer her up real fast, especially Brittany. The two of them were inseparable. They'd always play mommy and daddy, and Quinn was always their daughter" The brunette looked down, with a sad little smile on her lips. "The Santana I used to know never hesitated to show her feelings. When her parents divorced, and her mother left her, she couldn't stop crying." Santana swallowed hard. "It lasted a week. Not even Brittany could cheer her up. She was torn." The girl looked down, with a heavy sigh. "When high school came, though, Santana realized that she wanted to be with the 'cool' people, and that she wouldn't make it being the way she was. She was way too kind and childish to fit in there. So she started acting like a real _bitch_…" Santana winced at this. "…to be popular. She even became enemies with Quinn over boys and cheerleading. She didn't care, though, because she was on top. And she still had Brittany. _Had_."

Santana buried her face into her hands, biting her lips. She was trying really hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. Quinn ignored her and continued her speech. She felt horrible for what she was doing, even though she knew she was helping her. She felt like she was hitting her with a big hammer, the mask breaking more with each hit. "She loved Brittany, and Brittany loved her. Santana knew that being gay would destroy her reputation, so she made out with lots of boys, and she started dating her friend Puck. She didn't know that Brittany hated it. She didn't know that Brittany went to Quinn's everyday, because they were still friends, and she cried. Every. Single. Day. -_Wham!_- Because Santana was breaking her heart over and over again. -_Wham!_ - One day, not long ago, she told her that she was just a mere toy, for when Puck wasn't around. Brittany broke. -_Wham!- _She came to me, crying. –_Wham!_- She was inconsolable. –_Wham!_- She left you. Alone." _Crash!_

Santana burst into violent sobs. She let her head slip from her hands, to rest it on her own lap, covering it with her arms. Quinn watched her open mouthed, in shock, for a few seconds. She quickly reacted and passed an arm over her shoulders, hugging her tightly. Santana soon buried her face in the blonde's shoulder and gripped the front of her Cheerios uniform, shaken by the crying. The door opened, and Quinn looked up to see Puck sneaking into the room and closing it behind him. She turned back to Santana, patting her back. The sudden outburst had taken her by surprise, and now she didn't know what to do or say. "You know…" she started timidly "Little Quinn never stopped considering you her friend. So it's not like you're all alone. I'll stand by you." Santana chuckled in between sobs at this "Shit, that was so cheesy." Quinn laughed and hit her in the shoulder. "Oh, shut up!"

Santana sniffled and let go of Quinn's shoulder, a small smile in her lips. She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hands. She looked up at Puck, noticing him for the first time. He smirked and moved away from the door, in which he had been leaning all the time. He kneeled down opposite her, resting his head over his arms, and these on Santana's lap. He stared into her eyes, a worried expression on his face. He hated to see her like that. He wanted to make it better for her, but he was helpless. Normally, he would go to the source of the problem and do some shoving and hitting, but there was no way in earth that he was going to hit Brittany. He was taken away from these thoughts by a snort from the Latina. "Stop looking at me like that. I'm gonna puke." He looked into her red eyes, and a corner of his mouth slowly went upwards into one of his characteristic smirks.

"That's better" She said, her voice cracking. She bent down when another wave of crying hit her. Quinn hugged her again, rocking her back and forth, while Puck took her hands and drew circles in the back of them with his thumb, the smirk gone.

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**Well, what do you think? Too much crying? Probably DD:**

**My mind is a big drama factory u.u**

***sigh* Whatever, it's out now (FINALLY!) Hope you enjoyed it 8D**


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